66th TRIP AROUND THE SUN

8/28/2008 4:23 PM

It has been my custom over the years to write a piece on the occasion of my birthday.  This past year I turned 66 and it was marked by an extraordinary event.  Page and the girls were with me for six weeks.  I say extraordinary because its not often that a grandparent gets to participate so fully with the grandchildren.  For a full six weeks we lived together, car pooled, played tourist, drew pictures, did loads of laundry and tried to sort out the pecking order for pushing elevator buttons in order to minimize the bellowing in the hall.

Today is the 27^th day of August and I have yet to complete the housekeeping even though the girls have been gone for a month. The 27^th is also its own extraordinary day for tonight marks the acceptance speech of Barack Obama for president of the United States. How well I remember this same date forty-five years ago when we lived in Washington, D.C and experienced the Martin Luther King “I have a Dream” speech.  Who could have predicted that we would be at this place in history?  I feel that my adult life has been “book-ended” by these two August 27^th’s.

Our country has endured the most horrible eight years of the bush administration.  This morning I sent a Tom Friedman column to my friends and encouraged them to read it and forward to everyone.  I hope one day it will come back to me from a stranger after having passed around the world.  It seemed the least I could do.  I feel so helpless for our country.

As one gets older the thought that there are more days behind than in front is a natural experience.  It is also unsettling.  I’ve had a copy of Emily Dickinson biography around for twenty years and picked it up to read.  As everyone knows Emily was a bit obsessed by death.  She explored her feelings in great depth with bitterness and wonderment.  In the process she became one our most important poets – staring death in the face and challenging it.  Of course, she knew that she couldn’t prevail, but nonetheless she stared at it with steely eyes.  That book was a “bookend” too, and I must say one that offered very little hope for reason.  Another “bookend” emerged that brought a great deal of peace and meaning.

About three and a half years ago Steve and I were introduced to a movie script called “Misconceptions” by our friend Ron Satlof.  We invested some money in the project and served as ‘extras” for the fun of observing the process.  “Misconceptions” premiered at the Montreal film Festival last weekend and we were in attendance.  The film is sweet with a very timely message and we were pleased with the project. 

In the process of attending the Festival we had an opportunity to view other works.  I chose one called “Grief Walker” and it changed my life.  Grief Walker deals with the subject of death.  The essence is that while we can control pain in death there is still a hole that causes fear.  That hole is the failure to create a “good death”.  We think that death is what happens to everyone else and thus fail to recognize its importance to our lives.  There cannot be new life without death and we must face and embrace this daily; not in a morbid way, but in a fulfilling way.  The best analogy I can give is that the message of “The Lion King” is a sugar coated “Grief Walker”.  We are part of the circle of life.

To this end I’ve decided to embrace the idea that one day I will be gone, but to leave a message for the family that will help them through what can be a difficult time.  This is not scary to me as my genealogy has brought me face to face with mortality for years.  I like to think that all of the ancestors I have discovered are very lucky to have me give them new life and meaning.  They are not forgotten, but are part of the fabric of life. I give thanks for them, but I also want my life to carry forward for the enlightenment of the future.  My plan for this my 66^th trip around the sun is to write my autobiography in words, pictures and music.

On Sunday my friend Margaret and I are going to a doll workshop in which we will create a creature that best expresses our selves.  I was lucky to find a little lace and satin ladies night cap that my grandmother game me when I was about eight years old.  From it I fashioned a doll dress.  This is going to be the garment for my doll. I am busy filling the hole that is my soul so that when the time comes there will be no fear. This is a most liberating experience and one I hope that Emily experienced through her poetry.